Along the way I stopped at Millys to put in fuel. There was an MP-registration vehicle at the pump in front of me. When the attendant took the pump spout out of his tank some petrol overflowed down the side of his car.
The driver erupted, started screaming at the attendant in the worst possible language & then got aggressive, pushing him around because the "f**king idiot spilt petrol on his car".
My mouth hung open at the raw agression, nay hatred (and consequent humility) directed at another human being who made a miniscule 'mistake' during the course of probably one of the busiest days in the year at Millys.
And this from someone most likely on his way back from the festival weekend (he then headed in the Witbank direction with his wife). I'd hate to see him in peak hour on a Friday afternoon ... other's lives would be at serious risk.
I had many hours - in sometimes bumper-to-bumper traffic - to let this gruesome scenario play itself over and over in my mind... ironically sowing poison and hatred in me.
Firstly I berated myself for having not done something, for having not said something while this played itself on a very busy, public stage. In all honesty I believe my instinct warned me that I was at phsical risk, that I could have sparked off a situation that would also have put the attendant at further serious risk (he also instintively backed down), never mind myself.
The attendant was working another pump when about 15 minutes later I left. I stopped next to him and all I managed was an "Are you okay?" and a clumsy "Never ever let someone like that get you down buddy," before driving off. At least I had the satisfaction of his beautiful, relieved smile.
On the road, refusing to drive faster than 100 (no more rushing, 'going nowhere fast' for me I promised myself once I ejected myself from the rat race - I choose to live in The Now, in This Moment, every second of every day, even when on the road. The destination is essentially irrelevant) while the road hogs roared past (despite the petrol price) I found that as part of my personal healing and choice to live fully as a free human being, I had to forgive myself.
To forgive for being hard on myself, also for the hatred I'd allowed to grow in me. Hatred breeds hatred ... but only if you allow it to. I had to also forgive the perpetrator... we can never ever allow ourselves to judge ANYONE no matter what they have done (certainly be angry!). Only God knows the hearts of men... and their reasons (mostly extremely deep-seated in hurt) for their actions.
In forgiving I was able to free and release myself, and to dissolve my hatred. Only then was I able to enjoy the magnificent winter sky above and the khaki veld on either side.
And I knew, more than ever before, that our lives on this planet are about love and NOTHING else. Consequently I resolve to be kinder, more generous and compassionate. I resolve to love much more. Especially strangers. By one step, one smile and one kind word at a time I intend to make my world a better place.
Just love... .
(Posted on my Nokia E90 Communicator from a Seattle coffee shop table, inspired by a rich, 'tall mocha'. Coffee has the power to change the world!)
1 comment:
There you are, you see, you've done it again - shown me how to live. You're an inspiration!
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