Recently, and for the first time in my life, my notion of 'without end' ceased. Up until then I had a sense of my life being endless, that all my dreams still had time to be realised.
Now I'm aware of the race's cut off time. I'm also aware that I don't want to be in a race, that I'm seeking harmony, simplicity, inner peace, happiness, joy and contentment.
I've realised that I was born on autopilot into striving...and from day one I've been striving for all the wrong things.
Now I want to begin living. Rather late than never. But the transition, mentally, is not an easy one to take. Nor is it a transition encouraged and rewarded by 'our' world.
Life is as fleeting and surreal as a dandelion flower.
In Ecclesiastes (1:11) wise King Solomon wrote that "nobody remembers what happened yesterday. And the things that will happen tomorrow? Nobody'll remember them either. Don't count on being remembered."
He also wrote that he had seen it ALL:
"Call me 'the Quester.' I've been king over Israel in Jerusalem. I looked most carefully into everything, searched out all that is done on this earth. And let me tell you, there's not much to write home about. God hasn't made it easy for us. I've seen it all and it's nothing but smoke—smoke, and spitting into the wind."
So what exactly have I been striving for, and why, I wonder.
What I do know is that it has been empty, stressful and has kept me from living in the moment. It has always been about tomorrow, not right now. What I can surely tell you from my limited personal experience is that tomorrow never ever comes.