Saturday, July 07, 2012
To the moon and back
I'm just back from a run, a run against the elements and my unchecked emotions: I ran hard against them and into the-my dusk, and I overcame.
Now I'm sitting on the large couch in an unfriendly - large and cold - holiday home that's on the very edge of the lagoon: I have had my heart warmed here, and made passionate love that screamed blood at the walls because of its intensity-ferocity-soul-tiedness. That's why HERE has meaning, because this is where against all odds I was turned upside down and inside out: it's become the waiting room / departure lounge of my new chapter; and that's on every single level possible.
Back from the run, angry-but-less, I ripped open a maroon-coloured bag of muesli and churned it into a bowl with 2% low fat milk, then devoured it.
That was just before I choked on an egg I'd boiled in another world-life on Thursday night.
Now a scalding mug of green tea with wild berries.
To be followed by another bowl of chicken flavored Nestlé 2-minute noodles with egg; another one. It's delicious, MSG and all.
I passed the morning alone on the beach watching the breakers and strange-with-wealth holiday makers from another province; and basking in the sun, and in my aloneness and my contentment. I needed that.
This afternoon I sat on a yellow towel in front of the ski boat club with Storm and slowly drank two milk stouts while the sun walked home; it was a perfect afternoon.
Straddled between the lagoon and the Indian ocean I was very, very grateful to be alive; and I vaguely counted the pigment-less white spots on my right arm, and noticed the hair growing back on my legs.
As for to tonight, who knows what it holds...but at least I'm grateful that it will hold a lot-less-but-a-lot-more than the intense Saturday nights of my past and youth.
Although I have the mind of God, I have only acknowledged it recently, like on Friday.
Run Forrest, run....